Desperate Ambrose

Hey everyone.

I'm in a melodrama in the park: Desperate Ambrose. I play the sheriff. Come and throw popcorn at the villain.

~Jonathan

In and Out Gospel

The town that I live does not have an In-n-out Burger, we have Sonic, so I've never been to one.

If this is true then its pretty cool.

New Job Posting

I received this in an email the other day:

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way earlier in our lives, I don't believe many of us would have tackled it!

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and

coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do...or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** AND A FOOTNOTE ? THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

but, if you are fortunate enough you will become a grandparent, and start all over again.

A Turtles' Life is Better?

Whats is with people and their silly fan pages? Stellar Kart has this song where they say "Life is Good; Eternal Life is better" but for some reason fans have miss heard and thought they were saying "a turtle's life is better!" One fan even made a website to honor the song.

Proverbs 27

I'm going to start simple and easy. I've always loved Proverbs (I have a very analytical mind) and how it's short pity passages speak volumes of truth. Sometimes they make sense; sometimes they are just cool to read. There are 31 Proverbs so I've always just read the one that matches the current day of the month. I wonder if God actually planed it that seeing as our current "day counting" scheme was invented by the Romans¹ or if it was a coincidence?

I guess 27.14 is the verse that most stands out to me today.

If you wake your friend in the early morning
by shouting "Rise and shine!"
It will sound to him
more like a curse than a blessing.

I've got three children and every morning I have to wake them up to get ready for school. They really don't like being woken up; even after having 8+ hours of sleep. I can see it in their faces and hear it in the voices as I wake them up. They really see it as more of a curs than a blessing to be waking up. I'm sure they also just love going to school too.

But as I reread this verse I'm thinking that it's not talking about the situation I just mentioned. It sounds more like where you're fast asleep and your friend comes in a wakes you up with that ultra cheerful, almost unnatural cheerfulness. It's not the fact that your friend woke you but how they did it; the fact that they used such emphases, such an enthusiasms thats not natural. This I have experienced at work.

Every now and then when I get to work I'm not really awake or the whole waking/getting ready experience with the kids was not pleasant and left me in a foul mood. Then comes in that coworker that seems to always been ultra cheerful and starts to smother you with "love" and "blessings". All I can think is "Please go away, you're not helping". It's true what the ultra cheerful person considers a blessing to give can sometimes be too much and actually be taken as a curse. It's not that what the ultra cheerful person is doing is wrong it's just too much at the wrong time. If you try to water your new law with a fire hose you're going to wash all of the grass way. Sometimes a small trickle of water does more good than a blasting fire hose.

A Change!

I'm trying something new. Not sure how long it's going to last but I'm willing to give it a try anyway.

This blog is now going to be a place for me to write down thoughts and observation of the time I spend conversing with God. I know you're probably thinking why would you want to put something so personal on a public forum. Well I don't plan on putting down my most personal thoughts but the ones that should be shared with the rest of the world.

Just a little warning. I never did that good in Mrs Garrett's English class. I think I was her most difficult student. So my grammar, spelling and writing might be a little off. Which is another reason for my writing. I need the practice.

Lets get started...

Vista Sucks!

Actually I don't really care for any Microsoft product.

This article might be of some use to you if you ever modify the HOSTS file. I do all of the time. I believe that its the best way to keep unwanted banners ads and pop ups off my computer.

Check it out: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/923947

Could it be that IE has a bug?

I was being nosy looking at a website's source code and noticed this little Javascript function. Its reason for existing hit me as very funny. Every time I do any Javascript programing IE always gives me fits. ARRRRG!!! I guess there would be no fun to web programming if IE actually conformed to the rest of the Internet community.

The Monkey

IMG_7127.JPG
Originally uploaded by stej.

Media's Wrong Focus

This article from Focus on the Family at first looks like a diss on what Imus had said about the Rutgers women’s basketball team; however a closer look shows they are really dissing the media for their focus on what Imus said.

http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000004339.cfm

Good Call!

The Athiest's Nightmare

Lights, Camera, Action!

IMG_6451.JPG
Originally uploaded by stej.

While in Paris by Notre Dame this crew was trying film a movie. I couldn't tell if it was commercial or a short film. It was fun watching the crew try to control the public by not letting them walk in view of the camera.

Vote Different

Funny Quotes

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,'" -Ann Coulter addressing the American Conservative Union's Political Action Conference, March, 2, 2007 in Washington, D.C.

"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." -Ronald Reagan during a 1984 presidential debate with Walter Mondale

El Gordo Y La Flaca

1/2 Hour New Hour

A Prophecy

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said o the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn’t reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away. .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you just fine. I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow."

Lost!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You're at 31 degrees,14.97 minutes North latitude and 100 degrees,49.09 minutes West longitude".

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man."How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me's technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me!"

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replied th e woman. "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's MY fault!"

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Zombie